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Pushing People Away But Bringing Them Back into My Life

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I realized recently that all my life I’ve always get close to people but push them away, afraid they will hurt or leave me first. I tend to find myself making up stories about my day or something more extreme like a false accusation. I make up lies so people will stay with me. I’m aware that these are lies but I continue to do it. I love to seek revenge on people who have hurt me. I’m going to therapy again for this issue. When someone tries to leave me, I make them feeling pity for me, I will say that I will kill myself if they leave me. I don’t know why I find it enjoying. Help!

Pushing People Away But Bringing Them Back into My Life

Answered by on -

A.

  The ambivalence you have concerning intimacy, the push and pull, abandoning them before they can abandoned you, and using guilt to get them to stay with you, is a pattern designed to keep you in control. I’m glad you are reentering therapy to learn more about this, and I recommend group therapy somewhere along the line to help deal with these issues as they arise in group.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Pushing People Away But Bringing Them Back into My Life

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Pushing People Away But Bringing Them Back into My Life. Psych Central. Retrieved on January 18, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2018/03/21/pushing-people-away-but-bringing-them-back-into-my-life/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.