Thank you for providing a lot of detail with your question but unfortunately, I am not clear what specific question is. I am not sure if you are asking about how to stop fantasizing about “coach” or something else. I was also unclear about if you were attracted to “coach” or if he was just a bother to you and you needed help getting rid of him. I will offer a general answer since I am not sure about what exactly you are asking.
Most everyone fantasizes. Studies show that it is very common and normal. People who are married have fantasies as do single people. As free thinkers, we are allowed to think about anything or anyone we want. Fantasizing and acting out a fantasy are very different things. Fantasy is far different from reality and what people fantasize about is often much more than they would actually do or find pleasure in doing.
Thinking about anything and whomever you want is fine as long as you can control your actions, your fantasies do not turn into an obsession, and you can decipher fantasy from reality. It would be inappropriate, of course, as a married woman to have an affair with “coach.” It seems as if you are wise enough to realize this and that is why you are in therapy.
I think you made the right move by starting therapy. As you said it has already helped your marriage. You did exactly what you should have done. Therapy is what I would have suggested had you not mentioned that you began going some months ago.
I would not recommend that you spend any time with coach, public or private. How can you resolve this situation? If your answer to coach is “no”, then you must find a much, much more powerful way to say no. Like “I’m married and do not ever bother me again or I will tell everyone exactly what you are like and what you are after.” No more phone calls about anything. If he has to talk about your son, he can talk to your husband. There is no more pretending that “nothing is going on.” Something is very definitely going on and you have altered your behavior and even begun early therapy to deal with what is “going on.”
I hope I have answered your question. But if not, and you would like a more nuanced answer please consider writing back in and asking a more direct question. Take care.
This article has been updated from the original version, which was originally published here on March 16, 2008.