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Depression & Suicide

Don’t know where to start so… I’m a 28-year-old male have no kids never been a relationship and don’t have a really have much else. Surprisingly though I’m actually very interested in psychology and can see people problems including my own, but still have I hard time continuing with my own life. Everything I seem to want or achieve in life just doesn’t happen from goals in life to the simplest whatever. Just doesn’t seem to work out for me. I don’t really have friends and I feel like the people I do have around me aren’t really there. One of two problems I come to discover is my mother. I come to realization that she’s a big problem to my mental health. She never really pushed me or ever been supportive anything I do. So, I’m not very affectionate or close to anyone. Another is I have a twin brother who I have nothing in common with so i unconsciously tried to be the opposite in any way I could. I have lost interest in continuing life if I can’t even think about something that just won’t happen and it just frustrating. I’m 28 never had a girlfriend, no job, still live with my parents and don’t really own anything. I thought about suicide since maybe my early 20’s. I’m really just done with life and feel like if my life is just failure after failure that I can’t even think of whatever it maybe then what’s the purpose.

Depression & Suicide

A.

Ending your life is not how you should try to solve this or any problem. It should not even be a consideration. You are assuming that because you haven’t identified your life’s purpose that you never will. That is a flawed assumption. It could simply be, as it is for many people in the world, that you haven’t found your purpose yet; it does not mean that you never will or that you should stop trying.

Finding one’s purpose is usually not a straightforward process. It involves soul searching and experimentation with an open mind. It can be enriching, joyful and glorious. It might even be said that it is our purpose in life to find our purpose in life. It is perhaps our reason for being.

You stated that your life isn’t going as planned. Perhaps that is because you have made incorrect choices. Many people make life choices that are not in their best interest often because they are misguided about what they think will make them happy. Abraham Maslow, in writing about the process of self-actualization, believes that “the average normal, well-adjusted person often has not the slightest idea of what he is, of what he wants, of what his own opinions are,” in part because they have not uncovered their own wants and desires. You can change this with conscious self-exploration and counseling. A good therapist will examine your life and assist you in making the proper adjustments. Counseling can help you to achieve your life goals more efficiently.

People often erroneously believe that they’re supposed to know how to solve all of their life problems. If they can’t, they feel weak, helpless or like a failure. The reality is that we are not born knowing how to do these types of things. There is no shame in not knowing. When we know that we don’t know, we must look for those answers in books, mentors, education, and counseling, etc. Once we learn what we need to know we can then use that knowledge to make better choices. That is how we learn, grow and change.

It’s common for people who are depressed to compare themselves to other people and then judge themselves as a failure. Depressed people often see everyone else as being happy and successful but their perception is skewed. At some point, everyone struggles in life. Thankfully, treatment is available and can assist you in making the necessary life course corrections.

Be kind to yourself. Do not be judgmental and harsh. That can often be easier said than done because we live in a culture that is competitive, focused on status and the accumulation of material goods and wealth. Many people are misguided about what they think will make them happy and are suffering as a result.

In the meantime, you might try volunteering and being useful to others. Studies show that helping others can be deeply spiritually rewarding. Volunteerism is not a treatment for depression per se but in the short-term, it could help you in positive ways.

If you’re open to it, contact a local therapist. Try asking your primary care physician for a referral. Alternatively, you can use the “find help” tab, at the top of this page, to search for a good therapist. I always recommend contacting four to five therapists. Contact them and discuss these issues over the phone. Choose the one with whom you feel the most comfortable and then meet in person. Finally, if you cannot protect yourself, contact emergency services. They will keep you safe and ensure that you receive the proper treatment. Please take care.

Depression & Suicide

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist and Assistant Professor of Social Work and Forensics with extensive experience in the field of mental health. She works in private practice with adults, adolescents and families. Kristina has worked in a large array of settings including community mental health, college counseling and university research centers.

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2018). Depression & Suicide. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 16, 2018, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2018/03/01/depression-suicide/

 

Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 22 Feb 2018
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 22 Feb 2018
Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.