There are therapists who specialize in sexual problems. Often times, they only deal with sexual problems. They are good at what they do. I would be very surprised if your boyfriend’s problems would not be easily solved by the average sex therapist.
I am sure that it is blatantly obvious that the physical act of sex, for human beings, occurs within the context of the psychology of each particular person. Religious thoughts, past experiences, anxiety, fear, cultural expectations, misconceptions, and much more all play a part during the sexual act of an individual. In other words, sex is as much psychological as physical, in the human being.
For someone possessing relatively good physical health, almost all sexual problems will be due to a psychological cause. The psychological context of the sexual act, for a human, is a very fertile ground for the growth of sexual problems. His problem, is not at all unusual.
If you had no interest in sex, or very little, then his matching level of sexual interest would make for a good match and would not be problematic between you. The letter that you write suggests he is undersexed and does not suggest that it is you that is oversexed. Your letter clearly states that there is a difference in the level of sexual interest between the two of you.
There is an incompatibility, but your letter would suggest that it is your boyfriend who has the problem. I don’t believe that you are suggesting that you see a therapist so that your sex drive could be reduced.
What I am saying is that there is no inherent problem in your boyfriend’s sex drive. The problem is that his drive is lower than yours and thus the real problem is the incompatibility and not the level of sexual interest. If your sex drive matched his, there would be no problem.
Perhaps there is a psychological cause which is inhibiting your boyfriend. With therapy perhaps, the inhibiting factors could be removed and your boyfriend’s sexual interest would increase but what if the increase were so great that he would desire sex much more often than you, perhaps two or three times more often than you would be willing to accept.
Once again, we have an issue of incompatibility. The real problem here is exactly that, two individuals with differing sexual drives. Neither drive, is too high or too low. It is just that they are not equal and thus possess a level of incompatibility.
All of these issues can be discussed and investigated and perhaps resolved, in the process of ongoing sexual therapy. I wish you both the best of luck and hope that a resolution of your seeming sexual incompatibility can be found. Thanks for writing.
Dr. Kristina Randle