Here is a very rough summary of me:
I am very antisocial. Even texting makes me incredibly anxious. I have two friends that don’t give me anxiety to talk to, besides my family.
I constantly speak negatively about myself. If I make a mistake, or if I wake up sometimes for no reason at all, I will say to myself “Pathetic, stupid, useless, worthless” over and over until I feel numb or tell the thought to go away.
I am very paranoid. I’ll be driving with a family member, and suddenly I’ll look at them and think what if they were taken into another dimension, and this is the clone that was sent to take their place? I usually can pull myself out of the thought quickly, but it’s always there, just lingering. Sometimes I’ll be sitting in a room and suddenly think “what if someone in this room can read minds?” So I try to think of something normal, or think like I know you are reading my mind so the person will leave me alone because they know I know what’s happening. I can pull myself from the thoughts, but I’m usually more proud that I one-upped the mind reader. If we leave the house, sometimes I’ll worry if I left one of the dogs outside: What if they get sucked up into the mud by something and die? What if the weeds come to life and kill them? What if a crazy person takes them and tortures them?
I think about suicide at least once a day. The closest I came was wrapping a belt around my throat, but I never tried to kill myself. I have self-harmed. Usually, if I’m driving with someone, I’ll think of just putting my arm out the window and cutting it off by a passing street sign, or putting my head out and getting decapitated by a sign. I’ll think of jumping off my house, or taking a kitchen knife and slitting my throat. I’ve never shared those thoughts with anyone though.
These are only a few of my issues, and it is really embarrassing to even write this. I’m terrified that someone might actually figure out it is me on this site. I appreciate any help I get from this though. I just want to know if I should get help.I’m Worried about My Mental Health
I’m Worried about My Mental Health
I’m very sorry that you are suffering. I know that it was difficult to write your letter, but you did it and you should be proud. It was the right thing to do. It is evidence of your desire to be happy. I see it as a very positive sign.
I have worked with many people who have had similar struggles. They were able to overcome these problems and live a good life. With the right help, I would expect no less for you.
Yes, you should seek help. Realistically, it may be a challenge at first because of your paranoia, but you should do it anyway. If you can push through the paranoia and meet with a mental health professional, you are on your way.
Treatment works but one has to be open to receiving it and willing to participate in it. The fact that you wrote this letter would suggest that you are open and willing. I see this as yet another encouraging sign. It signifies that you want help. People who are motivated have the best chance of achieving success.
The problem with mental health treatment is not that it is ineffective; it’s that many people, for variety of reasons, don’t seek it out. The end result is that many people, perhaps even millions of people, suffer from treatable conditions. Every symptom you have described is highly treatable with both counseling and or medication. Avoid being one of those people suffering needlessly with treatable conditions. Take advantage of the many evidence-based treatments that are available to you. It would be destructive not to do so.
The next step is to contact your local primary care physician or insurance company and ask for a referral for a mental health professional. Once you begin treatment, you will be on your way to a more joyful life. Please write again if you have additional questions. I wish you the best of luck.
Dr. Kristina Randle