Hey, I’ve got a pretty complex issue here with a lot of nuances. To put it simply, my girlfriend has BPD with the three extra disorders, Eating, Depression, and anxiety. After 9 months I’m really struggling to find the love in the relationship. One month ago I did something awful to her that was related with my PTSD, and now I’m just trying to pick up the pieces because of guilt. Because of my desperate behaviors, I’m worried that she has taken this opportunity to control me. Currently, there is a lot of me giving to her and not receiving the same effort back. There are a lot of fights and daily depression that effects both our lives heavily. I guess, I’m trying to figure out if I should break up with her because the BPD has become too overwhelming and manipulative. I can’t even play guitar anymore because she thinks that me learning will compromise her identity that has latched onto her guitar skills. All of my hobbies are now competitions in her mind. I love her extremely, but all of this daily drama is killing us. I think it just comes down to figuring out if there is a future for us anymore. Can we recover from my PTSD episode that ruined our relationship, or are we just delusional. I really don’t have anyone in my life to discuss with. (From the USA)
Whatever this is it isn’t love. You said it yourself. After 9 months you are feeling guilty, controlled, and your growth and hobbies are in competition with her. You are most likely in love with who you wish she could be-not who she is. Nine months is enough.
Learn from this experience and move on. You can use our forums if you need support and are not in a position for therapy.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). BPD Girlfriend Is Being a Vampire. Psych Central.
Retrieved on May 22, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2018/02/13/bpd-girlfriend-is-being-a-vampire/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.