I don’t think you are crazy or terrible. I do think you are putting far too much pressure on one relationship. Instead of focusing so much on all the ins and outs of your friend’s and your own personality, I think you need to work on increasing your social circle. That doesn’t mean instantly finding a whole lot of new best friends. It does mean expanding your life to include a number of friendly acquaintances. Doing volunteer work, joining an activity (like a book club or a community sport team) or becoming active in a faith community, as only a few examples, will put you regularly in contact with people who share your interests. Over time, some of those people may get to know you well enough to become real friends.
Meanwhile, as you pointed out, you have some personal work to do so you aren’t so needy. You say you have PTSD and no one to talk to. Please do consider finding a therapist. Don’t assume you can’t afford it. Talk to your doctor about local options for free therapy or for a list of therapists who have a sliding fee scale.
Online forums can provide valuable support but you need face-to-face contact with other people to get the experience you need to manage face-to-face relationships.
I wish you well.