Alright ill try to make this quick but i cant stop lying constantly ive been lying to friends and my Boyfriend and its not about making myself look good particularly its about stuff that is terrible! This year I met a girl that became a very good friend of mine i wont say her name of course but she is what most parents would be scared of their Daughter turning out to be She parties alot and has already done sexual acts with other guys so when first upon meeting her i lied about how i would drink alot of adult beverages and Go out and do illeagal things when in reality Ive never done any of that stuff but the way her reaction was self fulfilling if that makes sense ? So Fast forward to two months later when my boyfriend and i got into a relationship i told him every lie i told my friend with out even thinking and now i stay up at night in guilt and dread asking why the hell i would do that what was the point in that ? Why do i want someone to see me this way
? Its tearing me apart and I need help even though im young and im still in Highschool the guy I met is someone i dont want to loose I dont mean to sound all hormonal but im tired of digging myself a grave.
A. People generally lie in order to make themselves look a desired way to certain people. Your willingness to lie suggests that you wanted to control the way certain people thought of you. It must mean that you care about what they think of you.
More specifically, perhaps you thought that lying to your new friend was a good way to connect with her. Maybe you thought that if the two of you had engaged in similar activities and had similar interests, then she might like you more. You might have also thought that partying and having sex is something that makes you look cool to her. For many young people, they think that’s what cool people do. Only you know why you did it and without being able to interview you in-depth, I can only guess.
Generally, you probably lied in order to gain favor with your friend. You may have continued to lie because you wanted to be consistent or you thought it might make you look cool.
In any event, once you become aware of a behavioral problem you can change it. For most people, lying is not an involuntary activity. You can control whether you do it or not.
I would also recommend befriending different people who aren’t into sex, drugs and partying. These types of people and activities are dangerous and will likely lead to trouble. If this continues to be an issue, consider counseling to address why you lie, how to stop it and also to examine why you want to be around people who are into troubling behavior. Thank you for your question. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle