Most people do no have the urge to torture people. Generally, people who are unsettled or unhappy have unpleasant thoughts of a wide (mostly negative) variety. You mentioned being a “very angry” child. That would suggest that something bad had happened to you. You didn’t say what made you angry so it’s difficult for me to know. I suspect that it might have been harm done to you by someone in your life.
Perhaps the anger from your childhood explains your urges. People often feel the way you do when they are in severe distress or in response to something unpleasant happening (or having happened) in their lives.
If you have the opportunity to begin counseling, you should take it. Counseling could help you to control or eliminate these urges by addressing what underlies them. In other words, these thoughts are prompted by something. Counseling could help to uncover what that “something” is, and most importantly, what to do about it. Ask your parents if they will assist you in finding a local therapist. If that’s not an option, speak to the school guidance counselor, social worker or psychologist. They can help you to resolve this problem. Thank you for your question. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle