You’ve been going through some rough times lately. As you have described, you’ve been arguing with your mother, you lost a pet and you’re dealing with a bad teacher. When people have bad things happen to them, they have reactions. Reactions to events are normal. What’s worrisome, is how you are reacting.
Your reaction is to consider self-harm. The idea of seeking help appeals to you however, you don’t think you deserve to be helped. Your judgment that you don’t deserve to be helped is another form of self-harm. It’s another way to punish yourself. It suggests that you believe that you are not worthy of being helped. These may be signs of depression or low self-esteem, or both.
People who are oriented towards self-harm and self-punishment often don’t think highly of themselves. Some people even say that the act of self-harm makes them feel better. They might think they are to blame for whatever is happening in their lives and thus deserve to suffer. That line of thinking is not healthy or realistic.
You don’t deserve punishment. You didn’t do anything wrong. You are worthy and deserving of help. Please don’t think otherwise. That is an untrue narrative that you have created about yourself. It needs to be corrected.
That is exactly the type of thinking that could be effectively addressed in counseling. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a type of counseling that assesses one’s thoughts and determines if they are correct. The thoughts which are incorrect and inconsistent with reality are eliminated and replaced with more realistic and logical thoughts.
I would encourage you to ask your mother to assist you in finding a therapist. It would be tremendously helpful. You might also involve her in the counseling sessions. It might help the two of you to get along better. If she’s unwilling to help, speak to the school guidance counselor or another trusted faculty member at your school. They can help you.
One final thing, you mentioned having a problem with the teacher and that the principal won’t return your emails. Don’t wait for a written response. Go directly to his office and speak to him in person. Having an in-person meeting is much more effective than an email. Also, it’s unlikely that you’re the only student with complaints about this teacher. If he’s given everyone bad grades, then other people are unhappy too. Thanks for your question. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle