I’m sorry you have been through such hard times and that you are feeling so discouraged. You are, of course, correct that using hard drugs isn’t healthy. In fact, one of the side effects of chronic drug use is depression. So it’s not the solution you think it is. Yes, the temporary high provides some relief, but we both know it is only temporary. Long term, drug abuse is preventing you from learning the skills you need to manage the anxiety and to heal from trauma.
You say that you have tried many things to get better. I’m thinking that may be the problem. You’ve tried many things but have you stuck with any one thing long enough for it to be effective? You need to get back into recovery. You need to stay in recovery even if it gets terribly uncomfortable. It is by learning to deal with the discomfort (not avoiding it) that you will truly heal.
I hope you will dig deep and find the courage and the motivation to take care of yourself by getting into regular treatment and by sticking to it.
I wish you well.