Let’s deal with the different issues one at a time. First, the ADD and school: I’m glad you are seeing a doctor for recommendations. It may be that some medication will help you focus. However, it’s a mistake to depend entirely on medicine. Most colleges now have a learning center with specialists available to help people with learning differences (and ADD is one of them) learn strategies for managing school work. Take advantage of what your school has to offer. If the school doesn’t have such services, see if you can find an academic coach who is in business privately. Can’t afford that? Then search the web and your local bookstore for articles and books that will give you ideas for how to structure your life so you can be successful. There is no shame in having ADD. You were born with it. There is shame in not doing what you can to manage it. If you were limping, you would find out why and put supports in place to help you get around. The same is true with learning differences.
Now for the sex part: Your analysis makes complete sense. For some reason, you’ve separated intimacy and sex as a way to protect yourself. The question is, “protect yourself from what?”. In the current situation, it may be that you are more angry with your husband than you want to admit. You may believe that letting yourself feel your feelings will put your marriage more at risk. It may be true. The answer to the recrrance of this as a way to manage feelings and relationships probably lies in your own history. If you want to get to the bottom of it, you should seek out a therapist. I hope you do. It sounds like you have a marriage that is going through a rough spot but that is worth saving.
I wish you well.
This article has been updated from the original version, which was originally published here on January 1, 2008.