My family and me has had problems for a long time and we had been okay. Yet suddenly I can’t handle our problems and keep trying to cope certain incorrect ways and my family and best friend are suffering. Yet I can’t help feeling upset with them but they say I’m irrational. I’m unsure? Am I at fault? Looking back, I have acted incorrect but just…. I can’t help it and I’d rather be angry than sad. Yet I love them so it’s hard and they can be loving too at times. I’m confused. (From the USA)

A:  You say that you would rather be angry than sad, and this is exactly what is happening. You get to choose how you feel — we aren’t victimized by our emotions — we can manage them and make decisions about how we want to act, react and feel with others. As long as you keep making the decision to stay angry then that is how it will be.

It might be more productive for your relationships and your well-being to let yourself be sad about the way things are, and ask yourself if there is something you could do to make thing better. This kind of thinking is sometimes helped tremendously through therapy. You can find a therapist near you by clicking the “Find Help” tab at the top of the page.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral