So to start from the beginning, I’m overweight and have a very bad relationship with my mother. My mother is honestly perfect in everyone’s eyes, where as I am her dull, uglier daughter. So even though she supports me most of the time when it comes to weight etc, she can’t stand me. She’ll constantly mutter how I’m disgusting to look at and that she can’t see me and all that. Then we have these huge fights, and even if I accidentally show her I’m crying or whatever she’ll ask me to stop being dramatic etc.
When it comes to other people socially, even though people consider me ‘;funny’;, they always think I act disinterested or like I don’t even care about them, but the truth is at times when everyone is laughing and feeling happy, in a group, sometimes I just feel like I can’t be that happy, it takes so much for me to feel and show my happiness in a group of people where I feel like I’m still trying to get to know a few people in the group. If I already established my relationship with everyone in the group I don’t face this problem. I do have low esteem so I tend not to approach people who look ‘appealing’; or are more popular than me and tend to avoid huge parties and celebrations. I do crave being the life of the party though, however am too insecure to actually do anything about it.
I also once felt like everything around me was pounding, and like I could only hear my heartbeat before presenting in front of the class, and I felt choked up like I couldn’;t speak and I never used to have a problem with public speaking but I think it’;s starting to develop and I’m not sure if this is a form of anxiety or not.
There are times where I feel like I just can’t be as happy and carefree as other people, it’s almost like something is holding me back. I am also a bit awkward with new people, especially if my friends are already close to them, and they start spending time with us, then I find myself feeling an outsider even with my closest friends.I Think I Have a Mental Disorder?
I Think I Have a Mental Disorder?
It doesn’t seem as though you have a mental health disorder per se. Generally, it seems as though you may have low self-esteem and lack self-confidence. Those are not mental disorders. These are traits that one develops over time, when you fail to do things that inspire confidence in yourself. In other words, life achievements, and doing things that you are proud of, will help you to attain healthy levels of self-esteem and confidence.
Another potential problematic element in your life is your mother. You and she do not get along. She says cruel things to you. That could certainly affect how you see yourself. Your being upset with the way she treats you is a normal response. It would take a toll on most everyone.
You also mentioned experiencing severe anxiety during a public speaking event. Public speaking is a very common fear. You wrote that you’re not normally anxious during public speaking events, but perhaps this one was particularly anxiety-producing. I would need more information to know if it’s a sign of a larger problem or if it was the event.
You would be the perfect candidate for counseling. These are exactly the type of problems that are commonly dealt with in therapy. It might also be beneficial to limit your time with your mother. Unless she stops saying mean things, the less time spent with her, the better you might feel. With counseling, you might learn to better tolerate her negativity but for now, it might be beneficial to limit the time you spend with her.
One final thing to remember: your mother might say, those things because of her own psychological problems and limitations. That is commonly the case with many people. They treat others poorly because of their own personal shortcomings. It is best not to take it personally but that is a challenge.
Counseling will help you to develop a stronger sense of self-confidence, as will life accomplishments, maturity and healthy psychological growth. As you develop more confidence, you will care less about the opinion of others. The “find help” tab, at the top of this page, will assist you in finding a good therapist. Family therapy, in addition to individual therapy, might also be a good option. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle