Is lifetime depression a thing? Is there some other medical explanation? I’ve had my thyroid tested which has once turned out to be ‘hypo’ I believe. But only when I fasted.
I just feel like I’ve never been happy. Bullied at a young age. Very smart. Reasonably good looking. Flaky, constantly loosing things, messy, can’t get my stuff together. Heavy under achiever. I’m not lazy I try and work hard. I’m trying to quit drinking. Been a functional alcoholic for probably 10 years or more. I’ve stepped it down to a couple beers a day over the last week. I just don’t know if I will ever get myself together and be happy. I always try and be happy and kind to other people. I pick terrible relationships because I tend to see the best in people. I’m always somewhat anxious. My mind never stops it’s relentless. I try to stay optimistic. But really, I have had very few moments in my life where I’m actually happy.
My mother’s agoraphobic. I don’t want to end up like her. And I don’t want to live on pills for the rest of my life that make me feel not like me. I’m just so tired of being miserable, and anxious, and scatterbrained.
Do people really go a day where they can compartmentalize what’s going on in their brain long enough to be happy? Without drowning themselves in a bottle of tequila (which doesn’t really work either). This is a problem I’ve had since childhood.
Is it always this much of a struggle for everyone. Just to do the dishes!!! Like why can’t I function? It can’t be easy for anyone. But it can’t be this bloody hard for everyone. What’s wrong with me?? (From Canada)Is Lifetime Depression a Thing? Is There Some Explanation? Am I Wired Wrong?
The most obvious thing in your email is the fact that you are drinking everyday for the past 10 years — and are asking why you are depressed. Almost all of the things that you are mentioning, being scattered, underachieving, anxious, etc., are in some way tied to alcoholism or abuse. Why not deal directly with the core issue. Nothing, no form of therapy or medicine, is going to help if you don’t deal with the drinking. Alcohol is a central nervous system depressant. If you are taking it in everyday, you are not giving yourself a chance.
My strong recommendation is to use one of the most effective programs known to cope. Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) is available in your area. Go to a few open meeting and see what they have to offer. If you want to get a handle on being happy — start with untangling the thing that is holding you back the most.