I’m very depressed and getting very thin. I can’t find treatment for my ED and it’s too hard to live with.

I have multiple diagnoses that have impacted my life significantly. I’ve have anorexia and was diagnosed with it 30 years ago. I have major depression, borderline P.D., addictions, physical illness related to the E.D., no contacts with humans and I was censored by a website I considered to be my home.

All of these mental health issues have become active simultaneously. I have been hospitalized for psychiatric issues 78 times. I have no hospital now because I have been banned by it.

Johns Hopkins Hosp. claims I am non-compliant. I simply refused to eat when it in treatment. But they have banned from treatment. I am having suicidal ideation and have heavy depression. I am wondering if I’m in danger of acting out.
It seems like I’d take any opportunity to kill myself that comes along.
But I don’t. Why can’t I kill myself when I’m in so much pain?

Should I just forget about it and just give up on life or find someone that can help me find a hospital so I can get treatment for all this mess?

I feel I can’t do anything right and I’m making mistakes in my search for help with my eating disorder. How do deal with this? I’m overwhelmed and tired so I’m just done. (From the USA)

A:  Your courage in trying to find a solution to these difficult, pressing issues is obvious in your email. You are doing the right thing by writing us here and looking for help. Your pain is matched by the bravery you bring to the situation in trying to cope. When I read your words I hear a person who, despite the ferocious difficulties in her life, has kept trying, searching for some relief, yet having great difficulty finding a place to receive it.

I encourage you to use our forums to make connections and find others who can support you in this quest — and to find a hospital where you can get treatment for these ailments. You reached out here and this is a very good step. It is time to connect with the forum and continue the search for a place that can help.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral