I’m not urgently seeking help but I have a few tendencies that annoy myself that I’d like to know if I should go see someone or not.
My mood shifts a lot and I can get angry/irritated within a second of being extremely happy and some days I’m REALLY REALLY HAPPY AND EXCITED THAT IT FEELS LIKE MY HEARTS ABOUT TO BURST and then really depressed for no reason the next. My thoughts are really clustered and its hard to think about one thing because in my head there are just a billion unrelated thoughts with makes it hard for me to talk to people because sometimes I say things in my head and I don’t mean to, (I end up talking too much and saying things I don’t need to.) and then I’ll get annoyed with myself and even TELL myself to shut up out loud and people get confused because they think I’m talking to them when really I’m just trying to calm my thoughts down. I forget a LOT and I find it difficult to read because I have so much thoughts that it’s hard for me to concentrate and I end up fantasizing. I end up slurring after talking for a bit because I either forget what I’m talking about, thinking of something
else or I can’t be bothered. I talk to myself a lot too.
I don’t like going to parties etc. because I’m really awkward and I don’t know what to do.
I also have homicidal thoughts, (luckily I most likely won’t murder anyone because it’s illegal and I don’t like illegal consequences if I’m caught.) homicide isn’t something I’m eager to do, its just a thought I find interesting. But when I’m angry I really feel like I’m capable of doing it.
I’m too scared to talk about this to someone in real life so this is the reason why I’m here. (From New Zealand)