I’m a 17 year old female. I constantly feel the need to have a mental illness because I get bored by normal things. I have obsessive thoughts about having bpd I think that makes you special. I have most of the symptoms except for impulsivity/reckless behavior and extreme fear of abandonment . I also don’t have anger issues but I feel empty like nothing matters much as before. I don’t even want attention I just need myself to be satisfied. I’m super-cautious and almost never take risks. I believe I have less severe form of social anxiety as I find it really hard to start conversations and I don’t express myself because I think I’m weird and different and people will judge. I have a history of self harm and suicidal thoughts and childhood sexual abuse. I also used to see things that aren’t there but I don’t know if I made myself to believe that I am seeing things or if they were real. I also feel like no one really knows me and am so good at hiding things – like I’m another person in public and can switch off my emotions. My paranoia sometimes disables me to do anything. I am also supersensitive and can get hurt easily by words but I don’t show it. I just wanna know if I have bpd i don’t even care to get better cause I feel more comfortable being my real self which may be sad or in pain ( it’s like I get bored by being happy I don’t want to be stable). Thank you!Do I Have a Mental Disorder?
I would recommend seeking a psychological assessment from a clinical psychologist. Psychological assessments involve various tests which will provide a specific clinical diagnosis, if any such diagnosis exists. Given your present age and the various symptoms you have described, I believe it would be helpful for you to do this to get clarification into the symptoms, thoughts and feelings you have been experiencing.