Bizarre Fetish and Fear/Phobia
I have worst case of white coat hypertension. Last time at Dr., BP was 167/106, HR 126. That’s highest either has been in awhile. For years I just wouldn’t visit a DR. b/c thought of having BP taken, heart auscultated, pulses palpated. I’m not scared of Dr.s or anything else for that matter. I’m not nervous. I hate public speaking and having my BP measured. HR and BP react identical to both scenarios. Trying to explain this bizarre affliction I say that I wouldn’t be more nervous singing National Anthem, Live, at Super Bowl. That’s no lie. I’m aging and have to visit Dr. from time to time. I went nearly a decade without anyone taking my BP or HR in clinical setting. A decade! That is how awful it made me feel. It used to be a terrible form of embarrassment. “I’m a big strong guy, why would anything so silly as that make me nervous?” Having been to different docs over last 3-4 years, having some age to me, I don’t mind telling nurse what the deal is, and my heart is racing and BP severely elevated.
This started when I was about 10 and getting physical for summer camp. When name was called, my mom went with me. I remember getting nervous right then and there. Thought I was too old for her presence. After Doc took BP and it was soaring, along with HR, EKG, Chest Xray, more BP and much auscultation of my heart. That is when it started.
Fetish. Since childhood, after the exam, I would replay BP and pulse taking during masturbation. Still do that. Nurses hands wrapping cuff, stethoscope pressed to brachial, her hand pumping the bulb. I’m kinky, with multiple turn ons. None consume me like the cuff. Every single fantasy that plays through my mind, involves a cuff. I own probably 15 different makes, models. Same for scopes. Cardio III’s, Welch Allyn, Heine, Boso, Baumanometer. Thousands spent over years. Total obsession. I can become aroused at the sight of a cuff. Love the looks, the feel, the sounds, the feelings.Rubbery smell. Not at all arousing in clinical setting. Only after the visit.
I think I was attracted to cuff before incident at Dr.s described above. Before I even knew what sex was. Thoughts, PLEASE.
Truncated for 400 words. Best I could manage. Thanks! (From the USA)
A: There are many possibilities, but the thing that jumps out as I read this is the contradiction. Both fear and a turn-on by the same object. The fact that the arousal can go in both directions from the same source — an attraction and repulsion — makes this something you’ll want to unpack slowly.
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Tomasulo, D. (2017). Bizarre Fetish and Fear/Phobia. Psych Central. Retrieved on April 19, 2018, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2017/12/01/bizarre-fetish-and-fearphobia/