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Breaking Up Is So Hard

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From a teen in the U.S.: So I had been dating this girl for 2 years of high school. She is a senior in high school now and I’m a freshman in college. We went through the summer and decided we were going to try dating.

I noticed in the beginning of the summer that she had started too snapchat this boy. I didn’t think much of it. about a month into college I came back home to visit her. I hadn’t been giving her a ton of attention but we had been talking a lot. When I came home I figured out she had plans with her friends and this guy was asking her to homecoming. She immediately told me that they were just friends and she loved me. I began to get a little sketched out.

this is when our relationship began to go for the worst. I began to be emotionally abusive sometimes and I’m really disappointed in myself for doing this. I asked her to stop talking to him multiple times. she said she didn’t want to be controlled which is reasonable. I agreed and let her continue to talk to him. This caused our relationship to get more rocky.

She called me one night out of the blue and was crying and I was so confused. Now I think its because she knew the relationship was ending and felt guilty. I went home a week later and spent three days with her. Those three days were great for both her and i. Then homecoming came. I let her have homecoming night to herself because I trusted her. I woke up in the morning and received a text that we needed to talk. I asked her if everything was ok and she said she didn’t know. She called me and said she was emotionally drained and couldn’t deal with the pressure. She still loved me.

My friend then texted his ex and found out she had spent the whole night talking to him. We broke up that day and I drove home to talk to her. We talking in the car and she told me she loved me but not in the way she used to love me. She said she does not want a serious relationship. I told her I don’t care to be in a relationship with her as long as she told that other guy that she didn’t like him and just wanted to be friends. She said no.

She kept trying to get me to compromise. she said she wants everything that we had but she doesn’t want to have sex because she knows I won’t be able to move on and she feels guilty. I told her that I loved her a lot but Im not doing that because I feel like I’m being used. So we ended it.

The next day I was passing a store and I saw them walking together along with their friends. after that I went to the school soccer game in which she plays and he was waiting for her just as I used to do.

I feel betrayed but I feel like this is just a rebound relationship. Ive gone no contact but it took her a week to take down her profile picture of us. The day we broke up I received a text from her sister saying she loved me and more and I responded and stayed strong. The next day I received a similar message. I have been no contact with her for a little over 3 weeks. I received a text from her mom late at night trying to check up on me.

I don’t know if this was my ex but I was surprised because I never txt her mother even though I know she really cares for me. I am still going no contact and I don’t intend on ever speaking to her again. I guess I’m on this blog because I’m heartbroken broken and wondering if she even cares or if this new guy is giving her everything she wants. Is she over me. Will she ever txt me. Is she just faking it. Will she become intimate with this guy. Will she regret it. Is it a rebound relationship

Breaking Up Is So Hard

Answered by on -

A.

I’m so sorry you are having such a tough time. I can’t answer your questions about your ex’s motives and feelings, of course. What I can tell you is this: High school relationships rarely last. The teen years are a time for exploring relationships and for discovering who you are and what you want in a partner. Often teens cling to a relationship longer than they should because the dating scene is so intimidating and it is comfortable and comforting to stay with the person you know best.

You have not been betrayed. Your girlfriend has been struggling too. My guess is that she wants to move on and to explore new relationships but has also not wanted to hurt you. Her relationship with you was important for some time, but it isn’t what she wants now. She isn’t “rebounding”. She’s exploring someone who is different and, maybe, more in tune with where she is at this stage in her life. It isn’t rejecting you so much as finding herself.

As for her mom: My guess is that she does care about you. You were around for a long time. She probably knows you are taking this hard and just wanted to reach out to you to let you know she still thinks you are a good person even if her daughter is separating from you.

My best suggestion for you is to, yes, grieve the ending of this relationship but also to see the break up as freeing up the opportunity for you to also try out new relationships. The college years are years of tremendous emotional growth. Start looking around and inviting women to have a coffee or to meet up after class. Don’t jump into another relationship too quickly. You owe it to yourself to take your time and find out more about yourself and more about what you really want in a partner.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

Breaking Up Is So Hard

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). Breaking Up Is So Hard. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 21, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2017/11/28/breaking-up-is-so-hard/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.