So I have been with my fiancé for 2.5 years. At the beginning of our relationship we decided to tell each other about our past. He told me that when he was 21 he got married and by the age of 22 he was divorced. (He is 30 now). Well 6 months ago we got engaged. We told each other that if we make a purchase above $1,000, then we would discuss it with the other person. Next, he wanted to buy a 14k gun. He told me and I told him that if he got it them we would not be on good terms. The seller raised the price so he told me that he was not getting it. We found that he is not divorced. I asked him how did this happen and he told me that she sent him fake papers so he thought everything was taken care of. Plus she told him that she was remarried. Now He has been telling me that he does not trust me with money. I have not made a big purchase or anything. I have told him that money is tight for me but I am in a profession where you get paid a lot. One day, he asked me if my dad could do a certified check (he is a banker). I asked him why he needed that. He told me he wanted to get the gun. The gun that we both agreed that he would not get. Finally he tells me that he wanted to ask his dad before he told me that he wanted to get the gun. The next day, I find out that he knew that he was married before we were even together. He even told me that the girl he dated once he told her that he is still married and she is fine with it. What to do? The wedding is in 7 months. (From the USA)
I think your email answers your question. No one says they are divorced by accident. If his ex-wife is married, then that leaves a heck of a lot of explaining. You haven’t done anything to cause his concern about money, and he completely disregarded the agreement you had about not buying the gun. This leaves you with a man that lied about being divorced, lied about the agreement to get the gun even though he knew it was a deal-breaker with you, and tells you that YOU are not trustworthy.
I’d highly recommend all of these issues be dealt with prior to making your commitment.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). Should I Call Off My Wedding?. Psych Central.
Retrieved on November 22, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2017/11/27/should-i-call-off-my-wedding/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 27 Nov 2017) Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.