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How Can I Fix This?

From a teen boy in the U.S.: for a long time now i have felt empty and bored with life, i have had no ambition or motivation to do anything, i always see how people have dreams and aspirations but i have no desire for anything, not even money can buy me happiness. i have one friend that im not allowed to hang out with.

im terrified of talking to kids at school cause im scared they will think im annoying or laugh at me which i hate. i have no real relationship with anyone but i really crave one. this feeling makes me horrible at doing school work because as you would imagine punishing me doesnt make me want to do it.

at my house i get yelled at constantly and insulted about everything. i cant ever seem to do anything right there, and no matter what i do i cant live a peaceful life there. then i get yelled at for slacking at school worsening my emptiness and losing motivation to live life. i cant act anyway without being critisized about it at my house.

my best memories are with friends that i dont have now, i dwell on those memories too much which makes me extremely sad. iv been to a therapist with my parents but all they talked about was how bad of a kid i was. i hate my dad and my mom is indifferent. and if i express any hate toward him im completely terrfified of what will happen. i think i may have to kill myself because i have no motivation meaining i have to be at my parents house, they will kick me out on the street and i will have to be homeless.

there seems to be no point in anything because nothing can make me happy.i really need help on what i can do to make this problem go away.

A: Thank you so much for writing. We can’t fix everything but I think enough can be fixed so that you will feel better. But you are going to have to start the process. And, by the way, just in case — if you are smoking any weed, stop! It is the great motivation killer of all time.

So, you are going to have to do a few things even if you don’t “feel like it”. Things aren’t going to get better on their own. No one can make it happen for you. So dig deep. Somewhere deep inside you want to get better or you would not have written to us. That’s a great place to start.

The easiest start point is your school work. You don’t have to be motivated. You just have to suck it up and do it. You are clearly a bright guy who thinks deeply. My guess is that at least some subjects would be a piece of cake for you if you bothered to try. Then start volunteering answers in class. Teachers respond to kids who are interested. Other kids do too. The kids who are most likely to end up as friends are those who are interested in subjects you are interested in.

Then join something — anything that interests you. You need to get out of yourself and start doing stuff that helps others. I don’t care if it is a sport, the chess club, or a volunteer or service project. Pick something and just do it. You’ll feel better if you start making a difference of any kind.

Finally — I can’t tell you how disappointed I am that a therapist piled on with your parents about you being a bad kid. You’re not bad. You are discouraged. There’s a huge difference. Talk to the counselor at school to find out if there are any services for teens in your community. In the meantime, you can talk to counselors at the BoysTown Hotline any time. Counselors there are available to talk to teens 24/7.The number is 1-800-448-3000. You can chat online or on the phone. It is free and confidential.

Here’s the most important take away: Life will not get better if you wait around to get motivated. You will start to feel motivated if you start doing things. So start doing. You deserve a better life but only you can make it happen.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

How Can I Fix This?

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie Hartwell-WalkerDr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2017). How Can I Fix This?. Psych Central. Retrieved on June 24, 2018, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2017/11/23/how-can-i-fix-this/

 

Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 20 Nov 2017
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 20 Nov 2017
Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.