The teenage years are difficult, much more so than many people realize. It’s rarely an easy transition. During this period of your life it’s normal to be asking the types of questions you are asking. It’s a time when you are attempting to become your own person and develop an identity separate from your family. According to Erikson, it often begins with identifying with a group or personality type. It’s not only normal but necessary.
Dropping out of school likely exacerbated the difficulties associated with the transitional period of adolescence. You might consider returning to school. It may be difficult to succeed with a limited education. In the United States, most people who don’t graduate high school earn significantly less money than people who graduate high school. Put simply, there are fewer opportunities to be successful when you drop out of school. Fewer opportunities leads to more stress. Ideally, you want to put yourself in the best position to be successful.
You said that you don’t have “any access … to help” and I’m wondering why? Maybe you don’t think you do but have you tried? I would highly recommend counseling. It would help you tremendously. It is the ideal solution to this problem. In the meantime, you might try utilizing online support groups, church-based counseling (which is often free), or reading self-help books. In person, counseling is the ideal and first-line treatment, but in its absence, the aforementioned ideas may be useful. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle