Do I Have a Personality Disorder?
From a 50 year old woman in the U.S.: Mother sexually abused by her father, had schizophrenia or 2-3 other personalities, and was abused by her aunt as a teen, not sexually, but sounds like all other ways. My dad abused me in every way I can remember, except sexually, but often wonder about it as I wet the bed until 8 years old and remember almost nothing before the start of kindergarten, and now at 50 yrs. old, some personality disorder (BPD/DID) just came outta nowhere with 5 personalities so far.
Family denies this abuse ever happened too! My husband seems to think I musta been sexually abused. I haven’t been able to trust any man in my life and always feel I’m being used just for sex or that there’s some other motive behind why they even wanna be with me. I remember my dad and mom having physical battles when a child due to him being a violent alcoholic who was hanging out in strip joints, which made mom really mad, and I now despise “strippers in general” to this day. I forbid my husband to enter such a place or I’ll leave him. I’ll never put up with that in my lifetime.
I’ve seen several doctors over the years, but nothing has ever helped. Attempted suicide 2 times in the past. Mom never seemed to like me much as the oldest child and I feared my dad. We haven’t talked in 3 years now.
Well before me, my husband worked as a bouncer in a strip joint and knocked up a few of them; 3 kids total. I wasn’t happy to hear this news, and now I get furious even if strippers come on a TV Movie we’re watching, but can’t figure out why? At 18, dad found out I was no longer a virgin, called me a slut, whore, and physically abused me, which was the last incident as I threatened to call the police.
My dad always compared my body to my mom’s too. My mom was chubby…I was a rock hard gymnast back then. My mom hated this and me over this. Got depression and bad anxiety now at 50. Prozac went from 20 mg up to 60 mg and doesn’t always work anymore.
Can sex abuse be ruled out? Any ideas about why I hate my parents so much and vice versa? You feel some personality disorder has started now at 50?
A: What a difficult, difficult history. I can’t make a diagnosis on the basis of a letter, of course. But I can agree with you that you need and deserve treatment. Regardless of whether there was a specific incident of sexual abuse by your father (and there may have been), you have had repeated traumatic experiences. I’m very sorry you didn’t get some help for that a long time ago.
You didn’t mention whether you saw a psychologist for the diagnosis of DID. I hope so. You have a complicated and stressful background. Self-diagnosis is a good place to start. But you need it confirmed by a professional who can hear your whole story and who can help you make sense of your own very individual and specific responses to your history. I think you then need to work with a therapist who has experience with trauma.
You made an important step in writing to us here at PsychCentral. I hope you will follow through and get the evaluation and treatment you deserve.
I wish you well.
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2017). Do I Have a Personality Disorder?. Psych Central. Retrieved on April 19, 2018, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2017/11/05/do-i-have-a-personality-disorder-5/