I believe you that you are intelligent and talented. But it takes more than a high IQ to get along with others. One also needs a high emotional intelligence and a well developed ability to look beyond our own needs and wants to see a larger picture.
I don’t know, of course, if your mom was setting out to aggravate you. But I do suggest that she may have had something more important on her mind than your fruit cups. Did you take a moment to figure out if she was busy or preoccupied with something?
You miss the point entirely about your superior officer, who is truly your superior in rank. His job is not to see your individuality. His job is to get everyone in the group to conform and to obey orders, no argument. In battle, should it ever come to that (and I sincerely hope it never does), it is not safe for the patrol if someone like you starts questioning the officer in charge. So — it’s not about who is right about the regulation. His comment is an attempt to get you to accept that he is in charge and you are not. If you can’t accept that, you would be a danger to your comrades.
I’m not trying to make excuses for other people. I wasn’t there. I am trying to help you consider that other people’s feelings, motives and agendas may simply be different from yours, not wrong. This is what makes human relationships so complicated.
The one thing you are very right about is the uselessness of all this anger. I hope you will consider talking with a therapist. I do think therapy will be a challenge for you. To go well, you will need to take in feedback and make some changes in your own perspectives — a tall order for you who wants the world to change instead. I hope you will take this seriously. Otherwise you could end up feeling very right but also very lonely.
I wish you well.