I have never been a ‘feelings person’ and I rarely feel or show strong emotion. I am a teenaged girl so I expected to get a bit teary or whatever. I feel like a lot of the time I only respond to things because I know I am supposed to. like crying a funeral or showing remorse if I did something wrong. But it is strange because I have a natural ability to sense people’s emotions and I have been told I give good advice and I really seem to understand other people’s feelings unless I am personally involved in the situation.

For example today my friend was really upset because she found out I said something behind her back but as hard as I tried I couldn’t emphasise with her and i couldn’t see why it was such an issue for her. Of course i understand that she was upset and i tried to deal with the situation appropriately. I felt worse about the fact that i couldn’t respond correctly then the actual situation.

It seems to be happening more and more. I don’t find things fun anymore and I sometimes find people annoying when they aren’t even doing anything. It affects my love life as well as i can’t feel love. I’ve tried to pretend before but t never really stuck. i always have the same thought that it won’t last and so there is no point.

I thought about it a lot and i guess it may be from emotional abuse from an ex friend or a dysfunctional family and that i subconsciously built my walls high. Even at my grandfather’s funeral i only cried because i knew i was supposed to be sad. even though we were really close it never really bothered me.

I recently started to notice it bit more especially as i have been called ’emotionally constipated’ a few times and a friend of mine today said ‘you’re good at other people’s feelings as you don’t have any’

A. Your friend was upset because you said something behind her back and you could not empathize. Perhaps that’s because you did not agree with her view of things. She was upset, but that does not mean that her feelings were valid. They may have been, but without more information it’s difficult to judge who had the correct response.

You described not being upset about your grandfather’s death. On the surface, your reaction seems unusual, but it depends upon the nature of your relationship with your grandfather. In addition, if your grandfather was suffering and you were relieved because he was no longer suffering, then your reaction would have been appropriate.

Your views about death matter, too. Many people believe in life after death. They see it as a joyous experience, in which consciousness lives on and life continues. Some believe that their loved one went to a “better place,” a heavenly realm. If those views were part of your belief system, then your not being “bothered” about his death would again make sense.

As you can see, the context of your views matter. I need many more specific details about your life and how you think to determine if you are “emotionless.”

You are the ideal candidate for counseling. A therapist will gather information about your emotional life and reactions, then determine if an adjustment or a correction is necessary. Exploring the nature of relationships and your feelings is precisely what happens in counseling. It could greatly benefit you to examine these situations in the proper context. Counseling will help you to know if there’s a problem and if so, guide you to the solution. Thank you for your question. Please take care.

– Kristina Randle, PhD, LCSW