I Feel Like I’m Too Young to Have Thoughts about Hate & Self-Loathing
I just started sophomore year and things suck. My parents get mad at me for every little detail of my life. I have okay grades and shitty friends. Worst of all I hate everything that is breathing, heck I hate object too. Today I thought to myself I hate everything, but jokes on them I hate myself more.
When i sit by myself thinking anything other than school, I like to think of anything that has made me feel like a bad person. I have to drown it out with music or podcasts to drown out my thoughts. I have trouble sleeping during the night without videos.
I used to cry to make me feel better but sense being deemed a cry baby by other and myself, I stopped. I barely smile, but when I do its fake. I fake laugh more. My friends don’t treat me like another person, casting me aside for others. I have this one friend Lara and she is the nicest ray of sunshine and she is so nice, but i get jealous and envious of her happiness.
Another reason why I hate myself because I cant cut myself, I’m too afraid of my parents saying “you only have one body that God gave and you should respect it”, if i hear that one time I swear I will scream.
My mom hates me, and says how I’m a brat when I talk back to her. My dad is the scariest person you will ever meet when he gets mad (the only time I cry is when Im with him).
I play a sport and I used to love it but know I am learning to hate it like everything else. I’m too dumb to get into college for Knowledge
I want to leave the stupid state that I live in and live somewhere were nobody knows me and they don’t have any ideas of who I am. Like I want to be someone else who isn’t me with my stupid problems. That don’t even amass to the problems that other people have to deal with.
The only person I truly love is my sister and she is gone at college. I can only see her on the weekends sometimes.
I feel like a waste of time and only think that the future will worsen and I will never find love or a decent friend. Hopelessness=Me.
A. The transition to adulthood is very difficult. Parents almost always overlook this fact and the child who is making this transition, simply does not have the experiential base to understand this fact. I think it is safe to say that every “healthy” adolescent suffers greatly during this period. I would be quite suspicious of the overall health and potential of an adolescent who does not suffer during this period.
This is a challenging period of time. It is a time when you need to discover who you are, what will make you happy, are you lovable enough to be loved, will you ever find someone to love you, what career should you choose for yourself and of course hundreds of equally important questions that must also be answered.
It is a time when you simply “don’t know” but a time when you will begin to find the answers to that which you, simply “don’t know.” It is a time when adolescents often turn to drugs, begin to cut themselves, withdraw from their friends and family, and become deeply immersed in their own thoughts. Put simply — it is a time of change and that change isn’t easy or pleasant. The typical reaction from parents is to repeat endlessly, something like, “don’t worry, it’s not so bad, it’ll all get better, you are worried about nothing, just get up and move around, why don’t you call your friends, cheer up — your father and I love you.”
What I am telling you is true but you don’t know me from Adam. Why would you believe me and why should you believe me?
I’m afraid I can’t offer you a convincing argument.
I went to school for a very long time. I am well and thoroughly credentialed. I have studied issues pertinent to mental health with both a fervor and a love but still — we don’t know each other. I deeply believe in the correctness of what I am telling you. You don’t have to believe in me, you just have to do your own work to find out that what I am telling you is true.
It is true and someday you will come to find the truth in my words. Still, you don’t know me personally.
That’s where counseling comes into play. You will get to know a counselor from your personal interactions. You will go in there every week and you will get to judge not only their words but they, themselves. Maybe, you’ll decide that “they’re not too bad and that they probably know what they’re talking about.” That would be a good outcome.
Words on the Internet, can help but they are not counseling, not close, not by a long shot. Counseling can really help to make the transition from adolescence to adulthood, easier — very, very much easier. Good luck.
Dr. Kristina Randle
Randle, K. (2017). I Feel Like I’m Too Young to Have Thoughts about Hate & Self-Loathing. Psych Central. Retrieved on January 20, 2018, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2017/10/18/i-feel-like-im-too-young-to-have-thoughts-about-hate-self-loathing/