I want to challenge what you are saying because there is a part of you that has done anything but give up. Look at your email. You took the time to think about it and craft it. This means that you have probably been reading the Ask the Therapist column for a while, and most likely looking at our other resources on the site, like the forums — all in the effort to feel better.
The email you’ve sent didn’t fall from the sky. It reflects and ongoing struggle to feel better, get help, and be more productive. You start all over again with your next thought, not ending your life. Each thought brings us down a path that either leads toward hope or despair, and the first place to influence that choice is when the thought is happening. You did this very thing with your email. You made a conscious decision to write it and send it, which is the beginning process of hope. Why else would you have done this? From all that you have written it would have been easier to just shut down and not bother the write and send it — but you did.
Keep following that impulse and let your next thoughts guide you to seek counseling at the university’s counseling center. You have done the right thing by reaching out here, and I’ll encourage you to continue this by reaching out to the university counsellors.