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My Girlfriend Doesn’t Want to Talk to Me

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i am 22 and the type of guy i am is quite complicated and dark… i live for my love and surround myself with only her existance, one could say i am obbsessed with her… i moved to a new city for her and began a new life… no family or friends. my problem is that the last few days have been heavy, on me and her. its difficult to say why or how but i feel ugly… not like how i used to feel… she made me feel so special. now she doesnt talk to me that much and finds the time to talk to who she claims is only a friend… my problem is she tells me she would love me forever and be with me forever… even when times are hard. what can i do to make her miss me and want to talk to me again.i am going to buy her a rose today and go over there tonight… god i am so stressed to the point of suicide. how can one person just move on without you… where does that leave me… alone. i just moved away from everything i know

My Girlfriend Doesn’t Want to Talk to Me

Answered by on -

A.

Your girlfriend’s ambivalence makes sense to me: On the one hand, she does care about you and wants you to be okay. On the other hand, few people can tolerate being the object of obsession. Complicating things further is that you gave up so much to be with her. She may feel terribly guilty that you made such a sacrifice.

You yourself said that you are complicated and dark. You might have thought that your passion and attention would draw the two of you closer. Instead, to your dismay, your obsession with her is driving a wedge between you. The solution lies inside yourself. It’s time for you to do some serious work on yourself so that you can bring an emotionally healthy self to a relationship.

My guess is that you are avoiding dealing with some important, and probably painful, issues by focussing on what your girlfriend is and isn’t doing for you. Please take a step back. Apologize to this young woman for crowding her. Show her that you are invested enough in yourself and in any relationship you might have to learn more about yourself and how to manage life. Find a therapist to help you get to the heart of things. You might also find that doing some writing or art would help you express your deep feelings. (I have a sense that you have some poetry/ lyrics in you.) It might be important to move back to where you have friends, family, and supports to do your personal work. If your haven’t burned your relationship out, your girlfriend might be interested in keeping in touch and seeing what develops as you figure things out.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

My Girlfriend Doesn’t Want to Talk to Me

This article has been updated from the original version, which was originally published here on October 5, 2006.

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2019). My Girlfriend Doesn’t Want to Talk to Me. Psych Central. Retrieved on August 17, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2017/10/05/my-girlfriend-doesnt-want-to-talk-to-me/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 3 May 2019
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 3 May 2019
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