Your girlfriend’s ambivalence makes sense to me: On the one hand, she does care about you and wants you to be okay. On the other hand, few people can tolerate being the object of obsession. Complicating things further is that you gave up so much to be with her. She may feel terribly guilty that you made such a sacrifice.
You yourself said that you are complicated and dark. You might have thought that your passion and attention would draw the two of you closer. Instead, to your dismay, your obsession with her is driving a wedge between you. The solution lies inside yourself. It’s time for you to do some serious work on yourself so that you can bring an emotionally healthy self to a relationship.
My guess is that you are avoiding dealing with some important, and probably painful, issues by focussing on what your girlfriend is and isn’t doing for you. Please take a step back. Apologize to this young woman for crowding her. Show her that you are invested enough in yourself and in any relationship you might have to learn more about yourself and how to manage life. Find a therapist to help you get to the heart of things. You might also find that doing some writing or art would help you express your deep feelings. (I have a sense that you have some poetry/ lyrics in you.) It might be important to move back to where you have friends, family, and supports to do your personal work. If your haven’t burned your relationship out, your girlfriend might be interested in keeping in touch and seeing what develops as you figure things out.
I wish you well.
This article has been updated from the original version, which was originally published here on October 5, 2006.