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Mother Having an Affair with Married Men

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Since I was younger, my mother always got caught being on a call with other men, even before she and my dad got divorced about 5 years ago. Now she’s the only one who pays our bills, being the single mother. After she got divorced with her second husband, she started to become the old her, receiving calls from married men, having a date with them. Maybe because of her, I’ve always being skeptical about marriage, thinking if all men will cheat–there will be no point of being married.

This evening my mom got another phone call from one of the married men she usually talks to. After the phone call ended, I have this urge feeling to ask her directly about what I’m thinking. I asked her “mom, imagine if you still with dad now, and dad got caught having a phone call with other woman exactly like what you just did, will you be jealous?” and she was directly answered “yes” and after a while we started fighting.

My question is, did I do it wrong? if I did, how exactly am I supposed to do or feel? I asked because I have no idea how marriage and adultery life are like. I can’t stop feeling disrespectful towards her but she’s our only financial support and I feel wrong of feeling that way. (From Thailand)

Mother Having an Affair with Married Men

Answered by on -


 I think it is always alright to express how you feel about what is happening, when you are talking about YOUR feelings. Saying, “I’m upset when I see you dating married men because it makes me feel like there is no value in marriage,” is different than trying to make your mom feel guilty. You are always entitled to your feelings, but you will almost always be in for a fight if you try to make someone else feel ashamed of what they’ve done. Try to express your feelings without trying to shame your mother, and start thinking about moving out and having your own adult life out from under your mom’s influence.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Mother Having an Affair with Married Men

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Mother Having an Affair with Married Men. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 26, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 17 Sep 2017)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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