From a 14 year old girl in Australia: When I was 6 years old a 13-year-old guy convinced me it was normal for me to make out with him, so I did. At the same time, a frenemy convinced me to have my first lesbian experience with her.
After I moved residence I became friends with a girl for 2 and a half years. She would hit me, choke me if I interrupted her accidentally, call me names, isolate me from the rest of the group if she was mad at me, pressure me into gossiping about our friends only to hold it against me later on and would dig her elbow into my pressure point of my knee if she was bored. And that’s just to name a few things. I had self-harmed since then and became really depressed.
Due to multiple experiences with teachers and other adults I have become terrified of seeking help from others, especially adults.
I find it really hard to keep up with human needs such as hygiene (I do take care of myself hygienically just not nearly as much as I should), I won’t usually eat unless someone else has cooked something, I panic in social situations and have a very little filter so I’m deemed very weird.
If I’m in an area with a lot of people or with a group of people I don’t usually know it usually ends in an emotional breakdown. I usually don’t seek out help due to feelings of extreme guilt in doing so. My greatest wish when I came to high school was to have no friends because a lot of my emotional stress (I’m guessing) is due to me having a social life.
Lately, I’ve been feeling the need to self-harm again and I have a nasty habit of digging my nails into my skin when I’m depressed.
I don’t feel comfortable telling my parents anything because they think all my problems stem from a lack of exercise. I listen to music A LOT and usually pace up and down the hallway listening to music for hours on end.
It’s come to a point where I’m not doing my homework or assessments because I cannot be bothered, I’m also completely cutting myself off socially.I’m Really Moody and Withdrawn
I’m Really Moody and Withdrawn
It seems to me that your primary problem is the effects of bullying by the older girl. As a child, you didn’t know how to either identify what was happening or how to get out of the relationship. It is no surprise to me that you have difficulty trusting that other peers won’t treat you as badly. It also doesn’t surprise me that you are so highly anxious when you are with people you don’t know.
You’ve already discovered that you can’t recover on your own. Drowning out the distress with music or distracting yourself by cutting works for a bit but those tactics don’t get to the root of the problem. I think the onset of depression is a reflection of your discouragement. You do need help but you don’t know how to get it since you don’t trust adults to help you.
Fortunately, there is a kids’ helpline in Australia. That may be a good place for you to start. Counselors there are available 24/7 to talk to kids like you and it’s free. The website is https://kidshelpline.com.au
I hope you will take a deep breath and also ask your parents to help you. It might help them understand what you are going through if you show them your letter and this response.
I wish you well.