From Australia: Thank you for reading this. I find myself with a unique sort of thinking for a long time ( a few years now)which finds ultimate worthlessness in achievements in life and therefore experiencing significant lack of interest in life affairs.

When I was in college getting a good job was such a big goal however after few years of work I am completely bored with my job and currently unemployed as I just could not cope with the boredom and routine at work.

Same with relationships- when in college I had good close friendship and acquaintances, however over time I find everyone just too involved in their own life and the occasional chat, calls are fairly superficial. I got divorced as I could not cope with my wife’s demands. I just feel everything is worthless to strive for. I don’t see a meaning and value in any activity- and the result of this thinking is that I am socially isolated, hardly show enthusiasm in meeting people, doing any task.

Nevertheless, my question is not about seeking help for my state of mind but to seek a rationale behind the activities we do- after-all why to pursue an activity when ultimately it will hold no value once achieved! Also I see a lot of selfishness in activities everyone perform- ultimately everyone is thinking only about themselves and I don’t want to be that way.

I have become a sub-average person and unproductive, feeling that life is worthless (not so much that I am worthless) but at the same time unable to change my thinking pattern and participate enthusiastically in life affairs. I just feel lost and confused on how to deal with life.

I have a history of low self esteem, have been bullied as teen, had poor emotional support from family and have a sort of social anxiety engaging with conversations.

A: “You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.” ― Albert Camus.

I think Camus was right. Meaning happens while being engaged with living, not the other way around. You sound depressed to me. It’s not surprising, given even the little you told me about your history. But it also seems like you are justifying not getting help for the depression by feeling superior to everyone else. A therapist will help you get to the root of the low self-esteem so you can change it and will give you both practical help and support for conquering the social anxiety.

Of course, going for help means giving up your feelings of superiority. Only you can decide if it’s worth it to rejoin the human race and to become a productive and happy person.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie