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My Parents Always Defend My Older Sister Even When She’s in the Wrong

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I’m 22 and my sister is 25. Growing up my sister has always resented me, she’s bullied me throughout my life, even publicly shaming me on Facebook and Twitter regularly. She talks down to me in every conversation and makes nasty digs any chance she gets and doesn’t hold back in front of my parents.

I’ve spoken to my parent’s multiple times about how she makes me feel as I’m usually reduced to tears because of it but it’s like talking to a brick wall. When I try and stick up for myself I’m the one who gets in trouble and told to shut up, even told to leave the family home, while she gets away with everything and smugly plays the victim.

After my mum is constantly guilt tripping me into being the ‘bigger person’ and draw a line under things and to bite my tongue when she says her derogatory comments, (e.g. calling me anorexic if I can’t finish a big dinner.) but says nothing to my sister about her comments and digs.

This is the second time that my parents have fully exploded at me and told me to leave my home because I have stuck up for myself and brought up how badly she still treats me, but once again they have sided with her telling me that I’m the cause of it all and they are now ignoring me and purposely won’t sit in the same room as me because of it. This is even after SHE has shouted in my face and pushed me against a wall in front of them, just because I said to my mum that she hadn’t even apologized to me.

My parents have let her say all these things to me, and even though they can see that I’m getting physically upset and hurt by what she says, they just don’t seem to care as they just let it continue, showing her that her behavior is acceptable and reinforcing her confidence as she knows that I’m not allowed to say anything.

They also tell me that she hasn’t done anything to me and that it’s all in my head even though they know it’s been going on for years. They are in denial about who she really is and they seem to be choosing to blame me rather accept the fact that she’s just a nasty person. (From the USA)

My Parents Always Defend My Older Sister Even When She’s in the Wrong

Answered by on -

A.

 It is time to go. When you parents and sister treat you so poorly it is time for you to leave the nest and find people who can honor your needs, support your growth, and not emotionally abuse you.

Take the invitation to leave as a clear message that what you need and want in a family isn’t possible at home. If you feel you have exhausted your effort at trying to be heard and acknowledged, then making plans to have a more independent life is the right way to go. Don’t stay with those who have continually invited you to leave.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

My Parents Always Defend My Older Sister Even When She’s in the Wrong

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). My Parents Always Defend My Older Sister Even When She’s in the Wrong. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 21, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2017/09/02/my-parents-always-defend-my-older-sister-even-when-shes-in-the-wrong/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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