Repeated upheavals and removals do leave scars. The child you were decided that the only way to protect yourself was to stop loving. That child also decided that the reason for the removals was that you are unlovable.
Those are a child’s conclusions. To get past them, you probably need a therapist to help heal that child who still lives on inside of you. You are an educated woman in a highly technical job. Clearly, you are an intelligent and able person who knows how to solve lots of kinds of professional problems. With the support and guidance of a therapist, those same skills and abilities can be brought to bear on the personal ones.
You’ve spent 20 years of your life feeling unlovable and unable to love. You don’t need to spend that next decades stuck in those beliefs. Please find a supportive therapist and stick with it for a couple of years. Reclaim the lovable, loving person you were meant to be.
I wish you well.