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I Don’t Know How to Summarize this Issue, Sorry!

Asked by on with 1 answer:

My mom and dad recently got divorced. I have one sister who is 19 and lives 2 hours away at college and they told us together in January when we were visiting her that they were getting a divorce. I am fine with that my sister didn’t speak to our family for a month or two and this march I thought my mom was up to something and I told my dad my suspicions and he tried to dismiss them but I couldn’t let it go so I dug around a bit. I suspected she had cheated on my dad and was still with this guy. I drove by my mom’s house one night and saw a random car there around midnight, and it was still there at 5 AM the next morning. I noticed this about 6 other times. I hid a voice recorder in my mom’s house and played it back and I heard things no child should hear. His name is Rick and he is getting divorced too and he and my mom are in a relationship. That and a few unmentionable things are what I learned from the recording. I told my dad and he said he found out earlier in the year from a PI he hired and when they signed the divorce document my mom told him everything. He told me what he knew and my mom has been seeing this guy for 10 years and she isn’t planning on telling my sister or I, nor does anyone on my mom’s side of the family know… they never will. SO basically, my mom doesn’t know I know and my dad only disses my mom with me and I don’t show anyone how bad it hurts me. I can’t tell my sister because she would literally leave my family and it’s not my place to tell her, but secretly I wish she had gone through it too so someone could feel the pain I feel and so I could have someone to talk to, I know that’s awful. My dad can’t see it hurts because I have to be there for him. This divorce broke him and he has become my bff through it and I can’t be weak I have to be strong for him. I can’t stand my mom now that I know the truth. She lies about EVERYTHING and its so easy to see the truth. I think my sister has the “ignorance is bliss mindset” but I get in moods where I flip out and cry because of this and have Panic attacks. Please Help. There is still alot more I feel but only so many words are allowed. I have all ot these bottled up feelings and I have to be strong around everyone and im tired or being strong. I’m just so tired.. life is so tiring I cry at the slightest thing and this is affecting all of my relationships and im constantly sad and mad but I try so hard to never show it. (From the USA)

I Don’t Know How to Summarize this Issue, Sorry!

Answered by on -

A.

This is a difficult and sad situation, and I can understand why it would feel so bad. Can you recall what it was that you were hoping for when you went looking for information about your mom and planting the tape recorder? It might be important to understand your motivation for wanting to know and how that might be influencing all of this.

I would talk to your dad about seeing a therapist who would talk to you individually and with your father. You’ll need a third party to sort through what has happened, what is happening now — and making plans for the future.

Make this a priority discussion with your dad. He can’t continue to use you as his emotional support during this and you not having support with a therapist. Please ask for this ASAP.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

I Don’t Know How to Summarize this Issue, Sorry!

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). I Don’t Know How to Summarize this Issue, Sorry!. Psych Central. Retrieved on July 23, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2017/08/17/i-dont-know-how-to-summarize-this-issue-sorry/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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