From the U.S.: A few years ago, (5 or 6 years) when I was still trying to figure out who I was and what i wanted out of relationships, sex, etc etc I became very dear friends with a couple who were open-ish (wife is Bisexual and Husband is Heterosexual). The friendship started out as just a great platonic friendship. They’re both a little older than me so I would go to them with relationship struggles or just general life advisers and confidantes.
Well, the friendship was strong and when I started running into repeated relationship problems with people I tried dating I decided to take a hiatus from dating and instead just explore what I wanted. In that time I explored my sexuality a little with them. I learned a lot about myself in the safety of that arena. It did not take long. But I discovered I am in fact very heterosexual and monogamous. I also discovered other important things. A few years later the husband was lost tragically in a motorcycle accident.
I still have a beautiful friendship with the wife/widow.
Well, fast forward to this last year. I have now been dating a man exclusively for nearly a year. (she also has a new SO whom I’ve met and enjoy the company of). I moved in with my SO about two months ago. So, one evening last fall I was in a deep conversation about life experiences with him and I feel safe enough to vulnerably share the one experience I had with said friend and her late husband as I was exploring my own sexuality.
He shut down rather abruptly and proceeded to judge the late husband and his widow as having questionable characters etc…. i was irritated by this. We sort-of just walked away from that issue and haven’t gone back there.
Well, she is still my friend and I’ve insisted upon spending time with her (double dates as couples, etc.) He claims he likes her yet every time we see her within 24 hours he makes some judgmental comment about “Well, I can’t say I’m a fan of you being so close to someone you had that kind of relationship with” or “I can’t say I’m a fan of you’re little circle you have with them”.
After the husband died the friendship dynamic shifted significantly. Even before he died there was no intimate connections at all for over a year, everything slid back into respectfully platonic.
I don’t know what to do. Please help. I feel really angry and upset like I’m constantly having to choose which parts of me I can share and what I have to keep secret.