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Have I Violated Therapy Boundaries?

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I’ve seen my current T for a year and we have managed to build a good and trustworthy relationship. Now he started his summer vacation,I last met him 3 days ago. Our next appt. will be in 6,5 weeks. This is really hard cos we met thrice a week, which I feel isn’t enough.I have no one else to turn to. I am so weak and broken, traumatized and beaten up. No one understands. I’ve seen a psychologist at the psych. outpatient clinic but he just hurt me more.T is everything, and the only thing that helps.

This is so hard. I googled my T’s rare surname the other day.I found his daughter’s Facebook profile, that is 100% public. From her profile I found my T’s FB profile which is very private, and with a nickname.I’ve been stalking his daughter’s (10 years younger than me) profile and found out she is lesbian and dates a transgender male, which really fascinates me. Through FB I found  out my T’s parents come from different countries and his father has a bakery and his mother died in 2013.The bakery has a public FB page and there’s my T’s father’s pic.I know my T’s girlfriend/wife is an occupational therapist and they have another daughter too, who is into dance, has no FB. All this I initially found from my T’s daughter’s public FB posts, likes, pic comments etc.I know my T sings in 2 different choirs and travels to competitions too.I found a lot of pics of my T from these competitions. I also discovered the IG acc. of both of the daughters. I’ve searched public posts my T likes by his FB name, and discovered a lot about what he is into. These discoveries and a lot more made me feel much better yet horrible and so jealous cos of her daughters and wife. He must be a perfect father, one I never had.I’m pretty sure they don’t realize that.What worries me is should I tell my T abut these discoveries after holiday? I’m so afraid he will quit our T once he finds out cos I have violated our boundaries and his privacy. But all posts and info I found are public. What do you think? I cannot risk this. T keeps me alive, the only thing I have! (From Stockholm)

Have I Violated Therapy Boundaries?

Answered by on -


I appreciate the bravery in talking about this here at PsychCentral. While everything you have done is through public information your obsession with him has a downside. It activates your thoughts about what you didn’t have in your life. I would make it a priority to talk to him about your activity when he returns as it will help him with the treatment process. Learning to cope while the therapist isn’t available is something you and he need to discuss — and plan significantly for in the future.

I would also strongly recommend you and your therapist talking about adding group therapy with another therapist to your therapeutic experience. This will help you reduce your dependency on your individual therapist, while being a source of continuity when he is away.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Have I Violated Therapy Boundaries?

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Have I Violated Therapy Boundaries?. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 5, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 16 Aug 2017)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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