Sometimes it is very difficult to determine what is cause and what is effect since they often go in a loop. Does your teariness cause depression and insomnia or does insomnia and depression cause you to feel fragile around adults? Do you feel especially fragile with adults because you know they will react with concern? Or do you long for their concern but don’t want to admit that you need their help?
Whatever is the case, you don’t need to live with this. You say it’s been going on for years. Isn’t that long enough?
I think it’s time for you to talk to someone who can hear the whole story and offer you the support and help you really do need. You made important first steps in admitting that you do have a problem and by writing to us here. Now, please, take the next step toward self-care and healing by making an appointment with a mental health counselor who can give you regular attention and help.
I wish you well.