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I feel like a burden to my boyfriend

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My boyfriend is the kindest person I have ever met. Since the day I met him, he has made me feel that someone cared about me. He always thinks of me and is always willing to listen to anything I have to say. I tell him to be open and honest with me, but I’m never that way with him. I always think he’ll leave me for some pretty girl he’ll meet. And no matter how much he assures me that he loves me, I can’t supress that doubt and fear, and I push him away. I want him to hate me just so I can prove he was just messing with me, but at the same time pushing him away is not what I really want.

I send him mixed messages a great deal of the time, for example, earlier this week I asked him to let me know when I say something with the wrong tone. (I’m not very good at projecting the right feeling in my voice, at the right time) And when he corrected me, I blew up at him and called him insensative.

When I see women flirt with him, and him just looking happy to have that attention, I feel so inadequite and jealous. I just can’t trust him, even though he has never given an indication that he wishes to leave me. (It’s mostly me that pushes that subject). I just don’t know how to relax about this, and try to live my life.

I feel like a burden to my boyfriend

Answered by on -


This is so very sad. You already have what many of the people who write to me desparately want: a loyal and loving boyfriend who cares about you enough to put up with even this level of insecurity. I wish a little letter from me would settle your anxieties so you could enjoy this special relationship. But I know that you already know that there isn’t a quick fix for this.

This is an issue of low self-esteem and maybe some irrational fears. If you want to be able to be in a healthy relationship, you have some work to do. Ask your doctor for a referral to a good therapist who can help you understand yourself and build up your feelings of self-worth. Both you and your boyfriend deserve better than this.

I wish you well.

Dr. Marie

I feel like a burden to my boyfriend

This article has been updated from the original version, which was originally published here on August 13, 2006.

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2019). I feel like a burden to my boyfriend. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 25, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 3 May 2019 (Originally: 13 Aug 2017)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 3 May 2019
Published on Psych All rights reserved.