My boyfriend is the kindest person I have ever met. Since the day I met him, he has made me feel that someone cared about me. He always thinks of me and is always willing to listen to anything I have to say. I tell him to be open and honest with me, but I’m never that way with him. I always think he’ll leave me for some pretty girl he’ll meet. And no matter how much he assures me that he loves me, I can’t supress that doubt and fear, and I push him away. I want him to hate me just so I can prove he was just messing with me, but at the same time pushing him away is not what I really want.
I send him mixed messages a great deal of the time, for example, earlier this week I asked him to let me know when I say something with the wrong tone. (I’m not very good at projecting the right feeling in my voice, at the right time) And when he corrected me, I blew up at him and called him insensative.
When I see women flirt with him, and him just looking happy to have that attention, I feel so inadequite and jealous. I just can’t trust him, even though he has never given an indication that he wishes to leave me. (It’s mostly me that pushes that subject). I just don’t know how to relax about this, and try to live my life.
This is so very sad. You already have what many of the people who write to me desparately want: a loyal and loving boyfriend who cares about you enough to put up with even this level of insecurity. I wish a little letter from me would settle your anxieties so you could enjoy this special relationship. But I know that you already know that there isn’t a quick fix for this.
This is an issue of low self-esteem and maybe some irrational fears. If you want to be able to be in a healthy relationship, you have some work to do. Ask your doctor for a referral to a good therapist who can help you understand yourself and build up your feelings of self-worth. Both you and your boyfriend deserve better than this.
I wish you well.
I feel like a burden to my boyfriend
This article has been updated from the original version, which was originally published here on August 13, 2006.
Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker
Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.
APA Reference Hartwell-Walker, D. (2019). I feel like a burden to my boyfriend. Psych Central.
Retrieved on November 20, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2017/08/13/i-feel-like-a-burden-to-my-boyfriend/
Last updated: 3 May 2019 (Originally: 13 Aug 2017) Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 3 May 2019 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.