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With My Therapist 18+ Years, But I Haven’t Been Able to Make It to Treatment

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My therapist and I had been working with different parts/alters of my system (D.I.D. diagnosis) when 1 of them decided that therapy wasn’t allowed anymore. That was almost 2 years ago! Thankfully my therapist has been amazing and will still speak to me in crisis (unless she gets hung up on by “someone”) and/or email/text with me when needed (if not deleted). We’ve set appointments and those either get cancelled or just don’t show up.

This part writes in our Notebook/Communication book such awful things. To me directly, about my friends as well as my therapist. Through our years of working together my therapist and I have had such major success in working with other parts… up until this specific one decided that it was going to be her way or the highway. My therapist has had an abundance of conversations with this part and basically she is one of the original protectors. From what we gather she was hurt the most and bought in to the rhetoric of my abuser. It makes sense as to who she is, what she stands for and why; however, those old coping mechanisms aren’t applicable to my life today. What worked then to survive isn’t needed now. She refuses to see that or to even consider it. Her reasoning for blocking therapy and treatment is because “it’s not honoring him” and “one day will see the truth of the light that shines so bright.”

I’ve done several voluntary inpatient treatment programs but even those get cut short. “Someone” decides we’re not doing it anymore and checks out.

My life is stuck where it is and there is SO much more work to be done… with my system as well as my own personal struggles. The hope was that something/someone would eventually shift (at least just enough) and I would be able to go back to treatment. That was almost 2 years ago at this point!

Any thoughts or input you could offer would be of the greatest appreciation. I feel very stuck and like things won’t change. (From the USA)

With My Therapist 18+ Years, But I Haven’t Been Able to Make It to Treatment

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 I can imagine how difficult it feels to be at war with yourself in getting treatment for D.I.D. The “Someone” sounds hypervigilant as the protector and needs to be validated. Your therapist sounds wonderful and it might be useful to discuss considering inviting “Someone” in to express his view directly — to be honored by having a voice in the process. This may help create a therapeutic double bind for “Someone.” By honoring him and inviting him to have a voice he would get to speak up — which is likely to be part of the correction he is seeking, and in doing so engage with the process.

My thoughts on this are just suggestions, as there are many factors that may make this approach unfeasible that I wouldn’t know of. You and your therapist can discuss the merits and see if you can broker a meeting with “someone” to help with the integration you are looking for.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

With My Therapist 18+ Years, But I Haven’t Been Able to Make It to Treatment

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). With My Therapist 18+ Years, But I Haven’t Been Able to Make It to Treatment. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 25, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 9 Aug 2017)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.