Shouldn’t the Beginning of a Relationship be Fireworks and Roses?
From the Netherlands: For about 6 months, my boyfriend and I are together. In the beginning, it was fun and exciting; he treated me like a queen. Compliments, romantic gestures, talking for hours, etc. But after two months things started to change. The romantic gestures ended. No more compliments or other expressions of his affection towards me. He has one BIG passion and that’s kite surfing, and thats ALL he can talk about. To be honest I don’t know what his feelings for me are really, because he never expresses himself.
We’ve talked about it for a bit, a month ago. I told him that sometimes I feel alone and ‘drowning’, because we do not connect like we used to and I miss his affection. His reaction was that I should not doubt things ‘because we see each other each weekend, I always make you nice dinners and the sex is good’. Based on these things, he says its all good. But instead of those things, I would like to hear more often that he misses me/he thinks I look good/he likes me/etc. Especially because we haven’t been together for that long! In my opinion, everything should be roses and sparkles and fireworks in the beginning! Its exciting and you’re head over heels with this person!
So I have a hard time getting through to him, and Im dreading the subject, because I fear a similar reaction as the one before. How can I ‘tackle’ this?
A: It may be that you and your boyfriend have very different expectations of a relationship. He may be one of those people who thinks that once he has courted someone, he no longer needs to be attentive to the relationship. You, on the other hand, want romance to last.
I doubt very much that you are going to change him. He has made it clear that his priority is his hobby, not his relationship. Unless you can accept that as how things will be, I think you should take a big step back. As sweet as he was in the beginning, he doesn’t seem to have room for two passions in his life. You deserve better.
I wish you well.
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2017). Shouldn’t the Beginning of a Relationship be Fireworks and Roses?. Psych Central. Retrieved on August 18, 2017, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2017/08/08/shouldnt-the-beginning-of-a-relationship-be-fireworks-and-roses/