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I Can Not Forgive My Brother

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My brother is 15 years older to me and he has been really mean to me since I was a kid. I was emotionally and physically abused by him. Once he tried to kill me with a knife and other time he tried to beat me to death. In a normal day, I would have been humiliated by him regularly. He even broke my cat’s leg then my mom had to give the cat away and they lied to me about that. My parents never said him anything. Nobody to confront him. I went to therapy to get rid of this burden but recently something occurred and all my memories are back. I was hospitalized and he came to hospital to bring me home. He got tired of waiting so he decided to have dinner with his friends while I was alone at the hospital. Since my battery was dead I couldn’t call him and I had to go home alone. Not to mention my severe pain and suffering. When I came home, I called him to inform instead I was yelled at because I didn’t wait for him to come back from his dinner which took him so long. His yelling turned into threats, he said he will come to my door and beat me again so that I will regret to answer him back. I can’t digest this. How can someone be so senseless? My therapist said I should not have felt bad about this abnormal behavior because he clearly has mental issues. This doesn’t make me feel better. I am so furious and living with this anger for 6 months now. He is so proud not to apologize or anything. I am getting married soon, I don’t want to invite him. But that would have been awkward and upset the rest of the family members. I don’t know how to deal with this. Please help. (From Turkey)

I Can Not Forgive My Brother

Answered by on -


 Your brother sounds both unbalanced and dangerous. I would do everything you can to protect yourself. Ask for your parents to come with you to your therapist to help deal with his abuse. Anyone who tried to kill you, beat you to death, broke your pet’s leg, threatens you, and doesn’t know how to have respect for you needs to be dealt with more directly. Explain the idea to your therapist. A family meeting about the history of his abuse, and the upcoming wedding and what to do about it needs a professional. Simply ignoring him isn’t the answer.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

I Can Not Forgive My Brother

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). I Can Not Forgive My Brother. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 5, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 7 Aug 2017)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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