Feelings pass and diminish in intensity. They can be short lived and have limited meaning. Did you ever experience a very strong feeling and a short time later no longer feel that way? Feelings, especially intense ones, aren’t reliable enough to serve as the foundation for sound judgments. Time and logic provides the opportunity to form more accurate judgments.
It’s noteworthy that you have a history of obsessive thoughts which could indicate obsessive-compulsive disorder. Therefore, anxiety cannot be ruled out as the reason for your feelings. The nature of anxiety is irrational worry. Your intense feelings could be valid but just as easily could be invalid. Emotions are worthy of exploration but not necessarily action.
It’s normal and healthy to explore questions of sexuality. You are getting to know yourself and thinking about what your preferences are, and so forth. These are normal emotional experiences but when it comes to major life decisions, you must be cautious. There are consequences for being wrong including unnecessary suffering. One should avoid such an outcome whenever possible. Counseling will help you to sort through your feelings and to understand them more thoroughly. I hope you will consider it. If so, choose a therapist who specializes in obsessive-compulsive disorder and gender and sexuality issues. They would be in the best position to help you. Good luck.
Dr. Kristina Randle