advertisement
Home » Disorders » Depression » I’m Depressed Because My Partner Has Been Married Before and Has Children of His Own

I’m Depressed Because My Partner Has Been Married Before and Has Children of His Own

Asked by on with 1 answer:

I am currently in my first ever relationship, as I have always struggled with confidence issues and meeting people has been difficult for as long as I can remember. My boyfriend and I have been together for about six months. I am in my early twenties and he is in his mid-thirties, so there is somewhat of an age gap. He is a great partner and is funny, intelligent, and we have lots of similar interests.

The only thing that makes our relationship difficult is the fact that I just can’t handle the fact that he has been married previously (he got divorced about six years ago) and has a young child who he gets to see a couple of times a week. I haven’t met the child yet, but I get really upset when the mother of my partner’s child’s calls or texts him. I understand that communication between the two is crucial as they share a child, but it is extremely hard for me to deal with and I usually end up an emotional mess.

I have talked about my feelings with my partner on several occasions, however, it often leads to arguments, claims that I am behaving irrationally, and me in tears. I would love to be able to accept my partner’s past and it really bothers me that I am potentially ruining what would otherwise be a fantastic relationship.

I am also worried that I have some kind of condition or disorder characterized by occasional bouts of emotional instability. I get upset really easily, often over trivial things, and I worry my partner will get fed up of me because of this.

Any advice on my issue would be greatly appreciated. (From the USA)

I’m Depressed Because My Partner Has Been Married Before and Has Children of His Own

Answered by on -

A.

 I have a high regard for your desire for self control and emotional regulation. I think that is a great way to move forward. You already know that your reaction does not fit the circumstance, which is a very good start. I would encourage you to get some individual counseling to begin working on your emotional regulation. My guess is that this will help your relationship tremendously.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

I’m Depressed Because My Partner Has Been Married Before and Has Children of His Own

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). I’m Depressed Because My Partner Has Been Married Before and Has Children of His Own. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 18, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2017/08/04/im-depressed-because-my-partner-has-been-married-before-and-has-children-of-his-own/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.