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Trying to Find Clues into the Identity of My Childhood Abuser

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I’m trying to piece together enough information to identify my childhood abuser and am searching through my memories looking for anything that could be a clue. Here are two memories that I am struggling to find reasoning behind:

I am very young and we are eating Taco Bell in the living room. I am sitting on the floor, my uncle and grandmother on the loveseat and sofa respectively. No one’s talking, the tv is on. I excuse myself to the restroom and am already thinking of a way ‘to get back at’ my grandmother? I do not know why. I decided on dumping all of her perfume down the drain.

Around the same time, there is another girl my age (do not even remember who she is) with me and we are upstairs in my grandmother’s house. No one is around us and we are laying on our stomach’s giggling about this scheme that I came up with ‘to get back at’ my uncle. Again, I do not know why. I had a bowel movement in an empty baby wipes container, laughing with my friend the whole time, and then hid it in his bedroom closet?

I don’t know why I did these things, I had never done these things before or after to anyone else. I have tried to research reasons children seek revenge, and I do not think it goes that far. (From the USA)

Trying to Find Clues into the Identity of My Childhood Abuser

Answered by on -

A.

 There is too little information to know exactly what is behind these memories. It may be that they keep getting replayed because they were so unusual, they may be fragments of a larger memory, or they could be islands of memory where other information around it was suppressed or repressed.

The fact that they are persistent is important. I will encourage you to use the Find Help tab at the top of the page to find a therapist in your area that you can go to to sort this out. If you believe these memories are connected to your abuse, then interview therapists who have experience in childhood trauma to find someone you feel comfortable with.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Trying to Find Clues into the Identity of My Childhood Abuser

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Trying to Find Clues into the Identity of My Childhood Abuser. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 16, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2017/08/03/trying-to-find-clues-into-the-identity-of-my-childhood-abuser/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.