I broke up with a friend at school about a month ago and now have a strong hatred towards him. Since then I have sometimes had surges of energy and hatred during which I think about killing him. Basically i’m worried that if I see him in real life I will lash out at him. I have also became extremely introverted and since my exams finished, more than a month ago, have only really talked to one of my friends and seem to have dug a hole I cant get out of. Any recommendations to help me would be fantastic.

A. The nature of dating is that you will likely partner with many people who at first seem like a good match but ultimately turn out not to be. When that realization occurs, the relationship should end. Thus, most people experience many breakups during their lives. Though they are common, breakups are almost always difficult and painful for the person who doesn’t want the relationship to end.

The ending of these relationships will probably cause you to feel many different things. Sadness, regret, and even anger may arise in response to the end of a relationship. Hatred, to the point of being homicidal, is not the norm. Typically, it’s beyond what one should feel towards another person. It also seems out of place when it is not clear that he did anything wrong. If so, you did not mention it.

If you did “lash out” or physically harm him you would be likely arrested and sent to jail. You should not engage in any behavior that would jeopardize your freedom. One needs to be able to control their behavior. When you cannot, help is needed.

My main concern is that you are “worried” that you might hurt him. This suggests that you might be unable to control your behavior. In this case, strongly consider treatment. Counseling will help you to control your strong feelings and avoid acting out aggressively. These are solvable problems with counseling. Please try it. I wish you the best of luck.

Dr. Kristina Randle