From a teen in the UK: Hi, I don’t think I’m mentally sane but I don’t know what exactly is wrong with me and this is why I need your help.
I am a seventeen year old female, still currently in school. I hardly leave the house, I have very few friends and my family threaten to take me to a psychiatrist because I apparently have “the wrong attitude” and am “lazy”.
I just don’t seem to care about anyone or anything, I almost feel empty inside. I don’t get excited about anything, I have little to no feelings. But I do get angry and annoyed a lot and I often am quite impulsive and have done a lot of silly things which wouldn’t be considered normal.
I keep looking up mental illnesses online, particularly the personality disorders. I just really want to find out what is wrong with me. Maybe ASPD or BPD? But I don’t have a fear of abandonment and I honestly don’t care about people or feel any attachment to them. I sort of like being alone.
I do however want to go out and party and drink and smoke etc I just don’t get the chance to because I only have one main friend who is just a bit of a geek. I have little care for others, I do really stupid things like lighting paper on fire at school (which I nearly got expelled for) and killing insects for fun. I haven’t been out the house recently and I’ve just mostly been sat in the front room drawing and wondering what on earth is wrong with me. I know I must feel some sort of emotion because I cry when I listen to a sad song, but I have to sort of force the tears you know.
My parents seem to think there is something wrong with me because they got me these books on anxiety and depression. But I don’t feel that sad and I hardly get nervous anymore, I cope with stress very well ( i just finished my exams with no problem whatsoever). I’ve just always struggled to express myself and my feelings. I was a bit depressed for a time but not anymore I don’t think. I don’t hear voices or anything. I just get angry and start doing weird things a lot. I feel weird, not sane.
What is wrong with me?