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How Do I Stop Hating My Sister?

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From the U.S.: Like flipping a switch my hate for my 17year old sister FLARES. I am the oldest of three kids. I was the “perfect child” who the parents can forever brag on, however the parents were very strict.

That is not the case with my sister. She gets average grades, does not do chores and is extremely disrespectful. My parents allow this behavior. I always complain that she is in charge of their household.

It disgusts me that they show such “weakness” and do not punish her for the attitude! Instead, when she says (for example) “That sucks the dog is hungry, I’m not feeding the dog. Im having friends over to swim” (does not have to do a chore AND TELLS the parents what she is going to do.

I see RED. This is not healthy. I want to punish her so i think this is my way of doing so – hating her and pretending she is dead to me. How do I fix this. I hate being like this but I can’t shut it off.

How Do I Stop Hating My Sister?

Answered by on -


I can’t help but wonder why you hate your sister so much when your parents are the problem. They have raised her to behave this way! She’s still a self-centered teen. Eventually, she will ask the same question. But for now, she is getting away with what she can as a way to prove that she is her own person. It’s not attractive, but it is typical.

Why not try to have a talk with your parents? Is there a secret that makes them want to coddle your sister? Have they just run out of steam? Do they need help for parenting a child who is so different from you?

You are old enough to get past petty sibling rivalry and to ask questions instead of making accusations. it sounds to me like they need help, not recriminations. If that’s the case, only you can decide if you are the person most able to provide the help or whether you want to recommend that they talk to a therapist or another helpful resource.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

How Do I Stop Hating My Sister?

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). How Do I Stop Hating My Sister?. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 5, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 30 Jul 2017)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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