If your job is “destroying” you then consider leaving. The word “destroy” means to cause something to no longer exist. It is ill-advised to choose a job that, by your own admission, will destroy you.
If you choose to leave, do so responsibly. Research other jobs. Investigate other career paths. Try networking with people who are doing jobs that interest you. Having this knowledge might decrease your fear of leaving your current job.
Fear should not be the reason for your choosing to stay. Fear can be crippling. It should not be guiding your decision-making process. One should always use logic and reason to make decisions and never fear.
If you can’t leave your job because it is not feasible at this time, then you will have to find new creative ways to fill your time. Talk to your employer about increasing your workload. Maybe there are other departments that could use your help.
You have a decision to make. You can take action and make changes. You chose this job and you can choose another. “Choose” is the operative word. There are certainly other jobs you could do to earn a living, but right now you are choosing to stay.
I would also recommend counseling. Having an objective third-party provide support and expert guidance would significantly decrease your fear and assist you in moving forward. It will also expedite the process of finding work that better suits you. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle