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I Think My Boyfriend’s Mom Is Mentally I’ll

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I started dating my boyfriend about 6 months ago. We were really happy and in love and things were going really well, until I met his mom.

We went to visit his hometown and stayed with his mom for 4 days, she lives alone and is unmarried. She was completely inappropriate and outlandish. He told me before that his previous relationship ended because his ex-girlfriend didn’t get along with his mom, but I had no idea how serious the situation I was stepping into was. She was either rude to me or appeared to have no interest in me at all. She was completely fixated on him 24/7. She cried multiple times because he doesn’t live at home anymore. (we are both 24 years old). She begged him to come home constantly and she seemed to be manipulating him and making him feel guilty with everything she said. She only spoke about horrible things like death and how paranoid she is all the time. She said she’s convinced she is going to die soon. It was an extremely scary experience for me and I haven’t looked at him the same since.

Since the trip I have been noticing how strange his relationship is with his mother. She texts him non-stop all day long from the moment she wakes up in the morning until the moment she goes to sleep at night. And if he takes too long to answer immediately she calls him. If he doesn’t answer his phone she will call me. It seems like she relies on him for everything and it really creeps me out. I have tried to speak to him about this but I don’t think he understands how serious it is. Or it is too painful for him to talk about. Sometimes he gets defensive, and tried to make it seem like she isn’t doing anything wrong. He said he has suggested she get help and go see someone, but she flips it around on him and says he’s a horrible son and ungrateful for suggesting something like that.

I love him but I am also really scared and stressed about this situation. I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future and how I can make future plans with him when this huge problem is there. It seems like he doesn’t want to deal with it, and isn’t able to see how serious this is. Family is really important to me, and this situation is making me question my relationship with him. (From the USA)

I Think My Boyfriend’s Mom Is Mentally I’ll

Answered by on -

A.

Questioning the relationship is exactly what you need to do. If he doesn’t see the havoc his mother is causing in his life at 24 with you trying to point it out to him, when will he? Ask to go to couple therapy to talk about it. If he refuses, doesn’t think it is a big deal, or not important enough, then you may want to rethink if you want a boyfriend that comes too attached to his mother.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

I Think My Boyfriend’s Mom Is Mentally I’ll

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). I Think My Boyfriend’s Mom Is Mentally I’ll. Psych Central. Retrieved on July 23, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2017/07/18/i-think-my-boyfriends-mom-is-mentally-ill/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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